Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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