he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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