and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent