You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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