garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
