WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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