it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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