You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
