What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
