everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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