Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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