Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
