how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So. Much. Porn.
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