HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
