Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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