I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
