I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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