They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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