Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The air was thick with penises
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
