Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
