Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
