Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
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Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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