I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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