i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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