Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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