I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
