was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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