OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
