a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
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Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
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