Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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