He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
