I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize