At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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