Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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