just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
