All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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