So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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