His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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