I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
