Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
