whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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