Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
