He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
