"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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