hotel room ftw
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
