tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
