No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
