I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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