I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
