I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do vagina's smell?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
