i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
