I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize