I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
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If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
we should paint friendship bongs
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