Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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