i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
