i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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