You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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