Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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