Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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