you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
