His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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