i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
