We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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