I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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