I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
