I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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