i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
