im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Boobs speak an international language.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
