2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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