i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
