Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
