Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I had to cum in my sink.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
