Cold hands, warm shart.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
