Got a toothbrush?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
