drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
