i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
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He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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