I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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