Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
