I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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