Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
