dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
