ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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