Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
